how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
