Christians are straight up FREAKS
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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