So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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