hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He passed out mid-signature
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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