You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
