Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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