He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
