You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
