WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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