took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
