I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
