I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize