6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
