Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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