Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
