I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
