I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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