Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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