What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
