I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
