i just had sex bonerless
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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