So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
