Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize