I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
