and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
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Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
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It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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