Umm I'm too high to move.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize