New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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