How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
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Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
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It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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