What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
