she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
