We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
