Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
