i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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