I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
