next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
