I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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