You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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