I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
