Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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