I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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