airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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