I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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