I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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