the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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