I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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