I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
