Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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