My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
