your parents love me but you hate me
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
