remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
