Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
