I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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