We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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