Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
