is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
