i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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