I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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