it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
