i think my tv is drunk
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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