I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
