Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
