Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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