The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
