Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize