I showed him my bush... on skype.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
