I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
