Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just want to make out with him forever
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
