hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
