just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
