You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
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like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
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When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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