he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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