I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
