He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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