Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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