Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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