just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just gift wrapped bread.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
