my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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