I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
