The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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