he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
