It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
