I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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